get off

my shitty blog you idiots. stop talking about me, i dont talk about you nor do i have an interest in your lives. get on with your own lives, mine is irrelevant to yours. YES YES YES MATE.

hello the rest of the interwebs that don't inhabit my home town. ive decided i am going to do some music bloggings prtty soon. get ready.

i am

torn between two mind sets completely I'm afraid. Two extremes. I think its part of being a teenager; finding yourself. 

OPTION 1: Fuck the world yeah yeah yeah. You're all fucking disgusting, I don't wanna be a part of it. I spend most days trying to shroud reality and/or create my own. I don't care for petty concerns, I don't want to be part of your pathetic 'friendship' group. I don't trust you darling, no, not at all. Sometimes all I'd like to do is take drugs and listen to music and read literature. That's all I need, right? I lust to be as close to music as possible, and drugs help me achieve this. After bombing Methylone one night I lay in bed with my Ipod in and listened to Shuggie Otis. I think I touched heaven and came back. You probably would not understand. There's a feeling deep inside of me I'm afraid of, the urge to destroy reality. One hit aint enuf. I always desire to be even further out of mind, further away from reality. This I know will lead me no place good. I'm still a child and I've already done the majority of hard drugs. That's scary isn't it? Next step acid, next step heroin and there we have it. I've ended up a junky. A disgusting, filthy junky, but just like the rest of the world I suppose.

OPTION 2: I've got ambition. I've got talent. I'm strong. Been through a lot and I'll go through a lot more. Mother I tried, please believe me/I'm doing the best that I can/I'm ashamed of the things I've been put thorough/I'm ashamed of the person I am. I've got youth on my side. The world is waiting. I'm not as 'gorgeous' or 'hot' as some other girls but I'm pretty alright. I've had a middle class upbringing. I'm lucky. I can present myself perfectly. I've got what some people would die for. I forgive my parents for the things they have done and instead I appreciate that they're still here. I want to go places. I crave experience and to let the world teach me. I've got life. It's going to be fine.

people

are shit. sometimes it feels like i dont actually like anyone. the sooner you learn to rely upon yourself and yourself only, the better. i dont want to be a part of humanity. its destroying itself and it always has been with  the malice, corruption and lies. people are never who you want them to be. whenever youre feeling good and secure about yourself theres always going to be someone to kick you down, make you feel like nothing. dont rely on people, they will always let you down. rely upon yourself, and that way when you let yourself down you can learn from it. can people really ever change? or does the world just change?

mostly im just so lonely it hurts. 

fix your own life

things that are necessary for me to 'fix' my teenage years:

TO DO LIST I GUESS YEAH

i will tick these all off by 2010, probably.

1. get a job (easier said then done)

2. get stuck into new college

3. get new friends

4. GET OVER HIM (someone help me?)

5. get a boyfriend

6. sort out my vintage camera and TAKE PHOTOS

7. get some doc martens yeah yeah yeah

8. keep mum happy

9. get a nose ring

10. hair extensions

11. start doing art again

12. start writing again

13. get new a perfume

14. submit articles to local newspapers and magazine

15. get skinny (gotta stop eating so much) )))